You crossed my mind a few times today and I laughed out loud despite the heartache. Then about an hour ago, I went to call you and totally forgot that you aren’t here anymore and you’ll never pick up the phone again. Damn it! People keep telling me, it will get better as the days go by… I believe them, but I’m just not sure when that is! This thing called grief is like an illegal tenant in my heart that just won’t leave because it has squatters rights and there is nothing I can do but wait!
You know, you taught me so many things like be bold, fearless, be yourself, never make excuses for who you are and if somebody doesn’t like it, then they can go fuck themselves! Oh yeah, you taught me how to put obscene vulgar words together to create new words that would get the point across [I’m actually really good at that :-)]. You taught me to explore, be curious, ask questions and if someone tells you no, ignore them and then do it your way! but you never taught me how to fix a hole in my heart. I’m feeling like a hopeless little girl that just wants the security of their mother holding them and telling them it’s going to be okay!
I read today that “grief is a passage, not a place to stay. It’s not a sign of weakness, nor lack of faith….it’s the price we pay for love”….
Well, I can tell you first hand that it is an extremely heavy price.